Im-not-all-there777

My thoughts are swallowed up by the oceans in my head, Surrounding every notion of every beating of my head, against the proverbial wall it sounds creating craters in my brain, a hole where I once laid my head is now the reason for my throbbing pain, "I'm scared" is all that's mumbled and all that I can hear, I'm blocking out the sounds of slamming doors and yelling voices, I keep myself from crying so that she can cry instead, he walks out with a huff and a chip that's on his shoulder, while my heart is heavy burdened with the rubble that's left over.

Minds going a mile a minute, Caffeine coursing through the veins, Eyes can't focus, Laptop's open, Words aren't coming out, Pictures and designs, I can't convey, Mind won't stop to let me say, What's been bombarding me, With words and theories, Thoughts and news, Papers on papers, I'm running out of words, Minds turning to slush, But my fingers keep going, I just wanna jump out of my skin, Anxiety holds on tight, Like a bug on a windshield, My words are losing focus, My brains going a mile a minute, Swirling, Twirling images float around in there, I've lost my focus, Again, Blank, My bodies turning into a tank, Just

Creak, creak, creak, Sitting in the porch swing, High above the ground, My feet are not touching, They're high up off the ground, A cold drink in my hand, The taste waiting on my tongue, A tickle in my throat and a feeling in my nose, The air is cool and calming, It settles in my bones, The smell of smoke is rolling, Smoke is calming in my throat, The people talk below me, I hope I go unnoticed, Being unseen and not judged, Presents itself a serenity,

He felt so right but he tasted all wrong, I walked a thin line in hating me and hating you, This guy was excitement, The one night stand kind, As he pushed and drove and felt, I pushed and drove and felt right back, The hands that moved across my body like a ship on a map, Were not the hands that I felt before, They weren't yours, The body that was pushed against mine, And the one that I felt and moved with, That wasn't yours either, He smelled of sex and alcohol, But you always smelled like home, He was a game, But you are home base, And for that I felt like a whore.

There's nervousness in my veins, A quivering in my bones, I ache for a mouth to help me breathe, A chest to rest my aching head, There's a gnawing at my thoughts, My smile is twisted, The blood in my veins is racing, My brain won't shut off, It's an endless fight against myself, I'm backed into the corner of my mind, My fists are up but the punches just keep coming, Blood is rushing, Emotions are running, This fight is all in my head, The symptoms are showing, I'm a shadow boxer gone astray, The smiles faded, Give me a place to rest my weary head.

This fear in my head consumes me, Makes my fingers tremble, Climbs through my veins, Wears my skin with tears and rips, It stretches my brain just a bit too far, And then whispers to me, "You're gone to far, but its not a problem." The fear wears me out, It kicks me when I'm down, Passes lies between my lips, "I'm fine." Lies I've told my whole life, Heard by the ears of those I love, Those same people that love me back, The monster inside has taken me prisoner, Holding me within its arms, Claws and teeth scraping against my skin, The monster wears me like I'm skin.

Alone was a place in her mind, The place where she was forgotten, Somewhere that she hid all by herself, She was chained to it, No escape from this place, The silence made her scream, Scream for someone to hold her, A place where feelings were too deep, Somewhere where the highs were high, But the lows were hell, The feeling of hatred towards herself fell over her, Forgotten by everyone, Annoying everyone, No matter how fucking hard she tried, She could go no where, But the place in her mind, Where she is all alone.

Oh honey, I'm so expendable to you, You walk on broken shards of a shattered world, While I dance amongst the rubble, The walls are falling around us honey, You're in one corner and I'm in the other, Waiting for the bell to ring, You walked away from the fight, And I stood there calling after you, Nothing left but traces of the dust you kicked up behind you, Every star in the sky is watching you for me, Even when you leave me blinded and hidden behind the curtain of your life, I shout and yell for you to open the curtains, But you stand there covering my eyes with lies, Hidden messages on the side of your heart you don't let othe

The lines that fall on your face show that of guilt, They cross and cover the person you once were, As shallow as a water puddle, You are but a shell of your former glory, Are you truly happy? Given the choices you've made I'd say you weren't, Put on the lies that she fills the void like shoes in the morning, That same void you told me that I filled once upon a time, Save the mask for people who don't know you, I see through it, I know your not happy, Put your pride aside and just say it already, I still love you, Your mask does not fool me, You of all people should know that.